When things go awry…

I was planning to begin this blog when I actually arrived in my first destination. However, I have been reminded today that life is a journey; not a destination. Even though I am still in an airport hundreds of miles from where I need to be in order to leave the country tonight, the journey has in fact already begun. This particular journey was planned after 2015 in its entirety went awry. In 2015 after a long battle on both sides, I lost both of my parents and my long term relationship. I planned what I would begin to call my healing journey. A journey to deal, heal, self reflect, and perhaps formulate a plan for my next 32 years. I am normally not a planner or even very prepared when I travel. I usually find comfort in booking a flight and my first night in a location and sort of winging it. This time I went against my own grain and planned almost every single detail. That is so unlike me.
Yesterday everything began to go awry. My flight from Memphis, TN to NYC was delayed and then eventually cancelled. I am still currently in the Memphis airport after spending the night with very good friends. I am waiting for a flight I’m not actually booked on and the gap between now and my flight to Norway is quickly closing. I have a tour booked and I am wondering now if I will make it.  I picked Norway as a starting point for many reasons, which I will eventually share. I have only cried a few tears this morning, which is also unlike me. I keep repeating my mother’s words in my head. “Don’t panic Shanna. Don’t panic”. I only threw one thing on the ground, not in anger so much as in defeat. I feel that 2015 has been trying to defeat me in the most brutal of ways, yet fortunately I generally shy away from defeat.
So. My adventure may not have officially started, but my journey to where I will be in a year has already begun. Everything has gone awry lately. Awry may actually become my new normal for awhile. If I am on a journey of self discovery then things going to help and back is a good way to start. If I haven’t broken down yet this year then I certainly can’t let a little, stupid, inconvenient flight delay shake my infrastructure now. So the journey has begun and I wonder where I’ll be in a year. It is quite possible that I’ll be sitting right here.

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